Sophie's Surgery

Tomorrow is the first day that either of my babies has to undergo surgery. Wow. I'm a little overwhelmed. I've never had to have surgery, so why my baby? I haven't thought about it until today. That's probably a defense mechanism. Right? In the pit of my stomach is ... I don't know ... a knot?

Sigh. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. Not one bit. I'm second guessing all the decisions I've made up until now. I know that this is a "standard" surgery, but that doesn't help my mind, my heart, anything. Should I have done the sleep study instead? Should the tubes go in? Should the tonsils come out? I wonder if I should have put this off one more month until Spring (and all the flowering plants that go along with Spring) are gone. Maybe Sophie failed her hearing test because of pollen? Could be, right? What if she snores like a 400 lb man because she's allergic to our dog? I dunno. That seems silly since the snoring is somewhat new and we've had our dogs forever. Still. Should I have done allergy testing? That's something I did not think about. Deep breath. Stop second guessing.

So tomorrow ... we have to wake sweet Sophie at 5:15 am. She has to be at the surgical center at 6:30 am. Surgery is at 8 am. It's only supposed to be 30 mins. I wonder if in that 30 mins I'll panic like never before, or I'll hold it together. I wonder if I'll be strong enough to go back to the surgery room with her while they put her to sleep. I've been warned that watching your child be "put to sleep" is overwhelming and knee-weakening. I hope I can stand up, stay strong, and hold Sophie's hand during this. I have a feeling John will have to step in. Just a little worried right now with the thought of Sophie being "put to sleep" and "going under the knife."

In preparation for tomorrow, I've been telling Sophie about her surgery, about the potential pain, about the hospital, and about the food she'll be able to eat for more than a week. I threw the food in because it's popsicles, jello, pudding, applesauce, etc. and I totally thought she'd be into that part of the process. I thought that might ease her mind. She seems fine with all this. Erin, a very good friend and the mommy of my Godson, told me to dress Sophie in pjs so she'd be comfortable. She knows all about this because Jeffery had tubes and then this surgery so basically he's been under twice. I took Sophie to Target the other day and let her pick out pjs. Of course she picked out cupcake pjs. They are cute and green and her good luck pjs. In fact, I washed them and I just heard the dryer go off. Time for me to get her stuff ready for tomorrow.

I let Sophie sleep in our bed tonight. Wait, I always let her when she walks in the room in the middle of the night. But, tonight, the difference is I put her to sleep in our bed. Love that baby!! Please say a prayer for her ... and me! We need it.